Stop the rot!

I made an Instagram account for the Path Beyond so I could share photos easily from my phone, I often have random thoughts and I write them down on my phone so this was an easy way for me to use them as some inspiration for others.

I gathered a few followers and as I scrolled and read the posts, all I saw was quotes after repeated quotes, I pondered. Who were these people, well one, half my age offered to help heal me…not sure of what. But I’m sure her costs would have been worth it..right…?

But then, this same clueless guru, a young lady in her early 20’s, who was now a proclaimed “Master” who has clearly found her path to enlightenment at such a tender age, through selfies of her “smile” that she told everyone press like and type “yes” in her comments, if you thought she had a nice smile, posted yet another selfie and I realised that so many people step onto their path, walk it for a day or ten, then figure that’s all there is to it, they are enlightened and can go on to heal and teach others with selfies and photos of fresh fruit, oh because you must be a vegan too, this month.

I saw the same quotes posted, the same photos of how happy these people were living in what I call a life illusion, one where you post all your happiness all over social media platforms, because you are happy, right? Well not always, they want you to believe they are, so they can then suggest you purchase their E-book, or services. Then when the facade comes off, they have bad days, just like you and me, they feel sick when they get the flu, they visit the Dr for anxiety or depression, or their failed marriage, which is all hidden behind photos of them smiling with their latest plate of fresh food.

So here we are faced with people who feel inadequate, because they don’t get to go out to dinner with their husband all the time, or they are not arranging fruit into wonderfully colourful platters, or smiling for the camera with full make up and hair done every day. Well guess what? Neither are these Clueless Gurus, once their day ends or the weekend comes you better believe that they are sobbing into a bag of popcorn whilst they watch a romcom, wishing the man of their dreams would call back, instead of being at the pub with the boys and all that week of eating fruit now has them on the toilet so Pizza and Chocolate it is for dinner for them tonight.

No one is perfect, never aim to be, because once you are perfect, you will be very lonely on your way out of here, because once your lessons are learned, baby its time to go back………………So enjoy all the good and the bad and please walk your path, speak your truth, do as you preach and stop the social media rot.

I wonder how many people who share, like, and comment on how amazing a certain raw food page is, actually knows it is run by a car yard, you know, for the money, from the E-books they then feel obliged to buy, so they can also obtain this Nirvana, these Clueless Gurus claim to have found.

Liking or replying yes to a post on social media doesn’t make you an enlightened being, it makes you a sheep.

Bahh humbug?

Needless to say I found an alternative way to post my inspiration and my Instagram is no longer.

Love always

Aurora

PS:  I have no judgement on vegans or even car yards. ?

Ready Aim Fire!

Ouch I think you got me, that dig about being a bad mother, calling me fat, telling me I am always sick, saying I am manipulating or a liar. Bam! Bam! Bam! they all hit me right where you wanted them to, right where it hurts. In those deep emotional scars from childhood.

However here’s the thing, they can only hurt if I allow them to. I once had a friend who would reply to my statements of “it’s a worry” with “only if you worry about it”.  I had nowhere to go with any pity party then, I was stopped in my tracks.

But how do you stop it when it’s such an emotionally vicious attack on your self worth?
It’s easy for me to say don’t react, but those wounds are deep and potentially never leave, so if that’s the case and we always react when shot with the gun, what do we do? How do we not allow that to affect us anymore?

We can cut people out of our lives and never allow people who know those triggers and use them as a weapon to be in your life anymore, which isn’t always possible but is definitely doable.

It can only hurt you if you let it, right? Well no, it will hurt anyway, even if we don’t react right away it will seep deep into our psyche and cause some kind of issue, like passive aggressive behavior, evasive behavior, sulking, withdrawal or even anger or physical pain. that will erupt later on.

Unless we learn how to let go of the belief system that has us believing all these terrible things said about us are true, that is where the answers lay.

So let me tell you what helped me.

  • I acknowledged what happened to me, as something that happened, no longer something that made me who I was – I had been sexually abused, I wasn’t sexually abused, I had been bullied, I wasn’t bullied. I had been neglected, abandoned and treated unfairly, I wasn’t now being bullied, neglected  abandoned or treated unfairly.  These things happened, they are not happening now and so I no longer need to hold onto them as something I “am”.
  • I removed people from my life who knew those triggers and continuously jabbed them, be them family or friend, I then went on to forgive them.
  • I confronted my demons and as much as she hated it, I confronted my mother about my childhood sexual abuse by her brother in law and I refused to be around this man again.
  • I forgave my mother for not protecting me and accepting that it happened. I had learnt that she would one day have to deal with her own wounds from this one along with a plethora of other things she did to me which I will discuss as I unravel more of my healing journey.
  • I forgave the man who did it, no I didn’t hug him and say I forgive him, I simply chose not to be a victim any longer. I could either wallow in self pity and carry emotional baggage that was making me sick, or I could simply hand that heavy bag to him and let him carry it, so I did.
  • I forgave my father for the abuse he had caused when he beat me with a wooden spoon until it broke and for the put downs and shaming, before he made his own revelations and changes in his life.
  • I forgave my sister for abandoning me when I was left to be sexually abused, I also forgave her for constantly belittling me and putting me down our whole lives and  for judging me.
  • I forgave my other sister for refusing to help me when I needed her the most, being rushed to hospital with whooping cough and asking for help to look after my children. For her lies and nastiness when things between us went haywire.
  • I forgave my best friend of 30 years whose life I saved when she tried to commit suicide, then abused me along with her family and dumped me as a friend.
  • I forgave all of my so called friends who judged me and left me when I was going through a painful divorce and I forgave my husband for that painful divorce and years of emotional abuse and stalking me for 10 years after we parted.
  • Do I want any of these people in my life now? No I don’t and I chose not to associate with them.
  • I surround myself only with people who love me on a level where they see the beauty within me and nothing less.
  • I lost interest in the past, about how I was a victim of all this abuse on many levels, I stopped telling the story in victim mode.
  • I told myself everyday that from my pain came my strength, and whilst that pain was real and oh so painful, it made me into the strong woman I am today and for that I am thankful.
  • I spoke to my higher self, regularly, great, long, learning, loving conversations which helped me immensely and who asked me this question: “If you had a choice to go back and be born into a loving, nurturing, pain free environment, where life was grand, but you wouldn’t be who you are today, you would be someone with less strength, with lesser understanding spiritually than you have now, without the children you have now, the grandchildren and the loving partner you have now, would you change it”? “Well hell no!”, I replied, “So be grateful and be happy, you are one of the lucky ones who has learnt”.

What’s your trigger and would you change your life to go back and not be who you are today?

If your answer is yes, then keep watching, as I take you on my healing journey.

If you would like help on your own healing journey come see me here

I have returned from ME

22/02/2012 I wrote these words on my blog

I’m going on a journey!

That’s right I am off on a journey, to a really exciting place, where spiritual enlightenment will be deepened and childhood issues will be healed. It’s a wonderful warm place, where I feel comfortable every time I visit and the host makes me feel loved unconditionally.

I am going to visit ME.

Yes that’s right I’m sure some of you have been there before, it’s a magical place and I can’t wait to go. It’s been calling me for a while now, and of course I kept putting it off, waiting till I had enough time or finished my last reading, but my body grew tired and developed symptoms that I could no longer put off. I believe there is only one way to heal my body and that is by listening to it. Doctors wanted to give me medications but I know my body does not like that and just as I healed myself once before I will again, so I am finally going….

And when I return from ME I hope to be able to share my experience with YOU!

I have finally returned and oh goodness what an amazingly insightful, long, hard, enlightening,  growth filled journey it was, I had no idea when I wrote those words, just how true they were and just how deeply I would travel into ME and I will be sharing it with you so hold on tight as I share my, not so always nice and comfy healing journey, but a hard edged dive into my past, some of it brutal and painful and some of it cleansing and healing but all of it rewarding.

I will share with the hope that it might just help someone who is/has/was also suffering from a lot of old wounds.  Where I confront my childhood abuse, sexual, emotional and physical, as I chose to let go of people in my life who have hurt me, even family members, where I have developed such a deeper understanding of what is on the other side, how to connect to my higher self on a level so much deeper it is overwhelming, how to listen to my body and how to heal a life time of pain and hey losing 40 kilo (almost 90 pounds) along the way was a nice side effect.

This was a holistic healing of mind body and soul or as I call it an integrative healing on an emotional, spiritual and physical level.

Listening to the voice of my soul and meeting my true, authentic self, my higher self, which in itself was an amazing experience.

More to come with this launch of my new webpage, which I have proudly created by myself, using my own unique artwork, a hidden creativity unlocked during my extensive journey, of which I am very proud and was humbly nominated as one of the best from some of over a million people who saw it live during its development.

Love always

 

I love you.

​14th May 2017
7 years ago today my dad was set free, I no longer cry because he’s not here, I smile each time he whispers in my ear, he chats to me now from the other side with guidance and love, he watches me grow and expresses his pride. My dad was a seeker, a searcher, like no other, now on his next journey with so much more to discover.

When you’re in love with a beautiful soul

Master boodgiesmall

Today my husband and I were standing on the balcony looking down at our eldest cat Asuka, I think he is around 14 now, he has many names, Oskanosk, Ginger Ninja, Ratty Boy, and of course Captain Slow, he takes so long to get from the bottom of the garden up to the top and each step is taken with precision and a great deal of timing.

He had heard my husbands call, its a unique blend of some kind of smooch and a suck, yes I know weird, but hey, thats my man for you, anyway Asuka was on his way up and my husband turned to me and said “I better go give him some love and then I will clean the pool and come back to you”

Although my husband was always full of this sort of love, today it hit me very deep and I was made aware, that 5 years ago a wonderous soul and mine connected and I felt loved deeper and unconditionally than I would ever have known before, but not only was that love radiated to myself, but to my daughter Taylor who he has supported and loved and sat up at 3am proof reading her Law Exams and helped her move house numerous times until they both fell into an exhausted heap. Also to Taylors daughter Elara, our granddaughter, who he helped enter the world as we were both present not only through, each and every scan and Drs appointment, but held Taylors leg as “BG” entered the world. Kelsey, my eldest daughter who lives in another state so doesnt get to see him every week like Taylor and BG, but he loves and supports her and every thing she does and is so very proud of the amazing woman she has become. Then of course there is his princess Uzume, our other cat with her sleek possum like fur and is treated with an escort to her bed every night, safely tucked away from harm by this amazing man.

And of course me, this man loves me and cares for me in a way that no one else could, our rapport, love, craziness, laughter, happiness and support is something I never take for granted.

He gets my crazy side, adores my beautiful side, encourages my creative side, holds my hand through my emotional side and comforts my pain when it arises.

I am blessed to have met this beautiful soul I agreed to meet, my husband, to be there by my side and I love him with all my heart.

I love you Boodgie

A Valentine’s Gift

My wife, Aurora. I know this blog is her domain, her mechanism for expression and sharing, but I also know that she would not mind me expressing my own feelings here, especially as they are (hopefully) relevant.

Aurora has a gift. It is a gift that is very rare. It is a gift that gives her great joy but can also result in great stress, which in turn contributes to her illnesses. It is a gift that gives her great insight, compounding her natural intuition. It is a gift that allows her to see, listen, teach and communicate on a level not shared by anyone I have ever known.

This gift can be labelled as empathic and/or psychic ability but I know it only as love. Pure love, in fact. A love that is not specific, selfish, needy or greedy, but that is just given, unconditionally. Those close to her, myself included, often take it for granted, get used to it being ever present, but rarely acknowledge it.

My gift to you, my beautiful wife on this Valentine’s Day, is simply acknowledgement of your gift, which touches and affects me and everyone you come into contact with, on every day of every year.

I love you.

Phew what a year!

Hi Everyone,

I have had some lovely emails and messages asking where I am and how am I going. Well I am going great thank you and I am still around.

It has been an extremely busy past 12 months with readings and healings helping and connecting with amazing people both here in Australia and overseas and as many of you know I only really blog when I feel inspired to do so with some passion.

I don’t blog often but I am always around so please feel free to enjoy the blogs I have posted so far and always email me if you would like to chat or book a session with me. I look forward to it!

Much Love Always
Aurora xx

Fighting My PCOS Poly Cystic Ovarian Part 3

Please start with Part 1 and Part 2

I found it harder to continue to be healthy whilst pregnant with my second child, I craved so many bad things and it was a really rough pregnancy, I had a toddler, no family support and I suffered from bad morning sickness and basically felt sick through the whole pregnancy. The birth was normal and I gave birth to my second beautiful daughter.

So here I am now with two beautiful daughters, my eldest daughter was 22 months and of course my new born baby girl. but I was so sick, I still had a lot of pain and my postpartum bleeding just wouldn’t stop. I was finding it hard to breast feed, look after my youngest daughter and maintain a house being so tired and in so much pain, with no support at all.

I was admitted to hospital about a week after the birth and they ran so many tests and found nothing, now remember I am still un diagnosed with PCOS or Fibromyalgia. I was told there was no other diagnosis they could give me but postpartum depression.

The D word! Oh how I hate the D word, its like when theres nowhere for them to go that’s where they head.

Well that didn’t wash with me so I went to my Gynaecologist for my 6 week check up and I was still bleeding heavily, he ran more tests and now I had become anaemic and was told to go home, relax and take some iron tablets and the bleeding should settle down.

It didn’t. 3 months had passed now and I was still haemorrhaging, I was struggling so much, I was so fatigued by now, so they checked my iron levels again and they were still low, I was trying express how hard this was being in pain, bleeding non stop and trying to cope with every day life, so off I went on a merry go round of Doctors and Specialist to try and find out what was wrong with me.

This just went on and on and on, no one listening to why I was feeling so sick and in pain, no one wanting to do anything to stop this haemorrhaging which had now been constant for 6 months.

I went to my naturopath who told me I needed to see Dr Ian Buttfield a specialist physician who specialised in Chronic Fatigue.

He diagnosed me with CFS/ME and put me onto vitamin b12 injections, some valium to help with the pain and basically sent me on my way. with a diagnosis but still in pain, bleeding and unable to cope. Back then the pain wasn’t even relevant to a CFS/ME diagnosis, so I was still being seen as a malingerer and a lazy depressed mother who needed to buck up her ideas and well basically eat better.

I was now finding it even harder to lose the weight I had gained whilst pregnant, what with the un diagnosed PCOS and the pain and fatigue not to mention the copious amounts of blood gushing from my body for over 9 months now.

That seemed to be their answer to all of this though, lose weight and poof all your ails will be gone.

So through the pain, fatigue etc I tried ohhhh god knows I tried to lose weight but it would not happen. You would think having a 2 year old and a 9 month old to run after would help? I ran their kindergarten groups and went to every single Bananas in Pyjamas concert that came to town, every Wiggles concert, and anything else that would bring a smile to their faces.

But I was dying inside. I had so much pain and fatigue, I had made so many visits to my gynaecologist who admitted me for numerous dilatation and curettage (D&C) procedures, I was constantly in hospital but nothing would stop the bleeding. The next course of action was to try me on all sorts of hormone patches and pills and he made me feel like I was making a fuss about nothing, so did my husband at the time and my family, I guess if you have never haemorrhaged for 18 months non stop then you have no idea what its like? I asked my gynaecologist for a hysterectomy and he wasn’t happy about it, he didn’t think it would help, so off I went home again trying to get this bleeding to stop, I saw acupuncturists, Chinese herbalist, naturopaths but nothing would help. I had had enough!

After a heart breaking few weeks of deliberation I needed to make a decision. I wasn’t sure I wanted more children given my state of health and after all I went through to have children, to now think about removing my uterus, it was a hard decision to make but I had no choice so after 18 months of constant haemorrhaging, trying all sorts of hormone patches and hormonal pills, numerous curettes I said to the Gynaecologist HELP ME! I begged him please you HAVE to take this out, its the only way to stop it! PLEASE!

I had my partial hysterectomy in 1998, and when the specialist came to see me, he told me these words that still haunt me

“you are so lucky we got it out now, you had cystic hyperplasia – your uterus was pre cancerous”

and then these words – words I had been waiting to hear for 25 years

“you also have Poly Cystic Ovaries” “they were so large it was too dangerous to remove them they were adhered to your pelvic artery” “they were so big I took a photo for a book I am co author on, here is the photo”

There they were, my ovaries – the things that were slowly killing me, still inside me, still poly cystic and still causing me health issues, but as is the usual practise of the medical profession, they removed the symptoms and left the problem.

Great! so now i still have them and now what?

“theres not a lot we can do about them” see you in 6 weeks! bye!

The bleeding had stopped and I was feeling a lot better, but this was not the end of my struggle with PCOS, not by a long shot!

My ovaries would continue to cause massive issues including 3, 10cm growths.

To be continued..

Aurora xx

CFS/ME and every other unseen illness

I don’t usually like to post or even discuss any “woe is me” type of articles, but I watched this and some of the key statements in this video I related to.

I was diagnosed with Myalgic Encephalomyelitis in 1994 after the birth of my second child. When I finally got a diagnosis there was a sense of both relief and dread, because now I knew I wasn’t actually dying, even though it felt like it, but now I had a diagnosis of an illness that many people knew nothing about, or was referred to as the Yuppie Flu, or as my mother put it, “isn’t that the thing lazy people get”

Today I have been diagnosed with other illnesses as well and the puzzle of my health has been slowly fitting into place, there are some pieces missing but with my own intuition and Dr Google I, myself, alone, found, diagnosed and then went to the Doctor for confirmation and I will continue to do so until that last piece of the puzzle is found.

I have just come through the tail end of a very long and debilitating flare so I wanted to share my new diagnosis of Hyperadrenergic Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome

More later

With Love
Aurora

I actually am awesome!

Right? we all are in our own unique way, it’s just most of us, me included, sometimes fail to see just how awesome we really are.

I have a lot to be grateful for, I have a lot of people from my childhood and my past who I have to thank, simply for being a part of my life, whether they were in it for a long time, a short time, a happy time or a sad time, they all taught me something and for that I am grateful.

I am grateful for being left in the hospital at the age of 6, terrified, having my tonsils out, while I comforted the little girl who waited for her parents to arrive, with no visit from my parents. From that I learnt how compassionate a person I am and when they left me at Kindergarten on my first day and were so late to pick me up that I never wanted to return again, for those and so many other experiences of abandonment I am entirely grateful, for I learnt how to be a fantastically loving and caring mother to my own children.

I am grateful to my sister who teased and taunted me my whole childhood that she was better than me as (she said) I was fat and unhealthy so I would never be as good as her and has now judged me as being fat and unhealthy without even knowing or asking about my health issues; you know why I am grateful to her? Because of her I do not judge other people, or make them feel bad about themselves.

I am grateful for having a family whose ideals are that unless you eat and do the same things that they do then you will never be acceptable or as healthy as they are, from this I am always thankful that I know I never force my beliefs onto others, and I practice being practical not radical.

I am forever grateful that I met and married my ex husband, who made my life a living hell when we mutually decided to separate, even though he stalked me and almost broke me, I am eternally grateful to have had him in my life because I have two beautiful daughters who are as strong and independent as I had to learn to be to get through that time in my life.

I am grateful to my dad for being a searcher, for always seeking the answers to lifes big questions, because with out his need for spiritual understanding I wouldn’t have found my own.

I am grateful for my two ex best friends who lied and hurt me beyond belief, because they taught me that theirs was not a true friendship and to never settle for that again and so when I met my best friend Dawn, who hugged me tight and cried with me at my dad’s funeral and flew interstate to be with me on my wedding day in 2011, I knew that I had met a true friend.

I am grateful to my mum for never believing in me, because even though she made me believe I would never be anything, she taught me that she was oohhh so wrong.

I am grateful for the large houses that I struggled to pay for when I was single and raising my two daughters, because it has made me appreciate the cosy home I now own, mortgage free, with my husband. It’s perfect.

I am grateful for meeting a lady who battled cancer with the biggest smile on her face and won. Every day I admire her and rejoice in the fact that she is well and can share her life with me, when she sent me the picture below and told me it reminded her of me, I realised that maybe she was just as grateful to have me in her life as well.

I am eternally and wholeheartedly grateful for the abusive partners I have had in my life, the relationships that would push my boundaries beyond their limits and test me to he point of exhaustion, because they taught me how to set those boundaries and never accept another person into my life who showed me no respect and how to be strong enough to remove anyone from my life who couldn’t be totally accepting and respectful.

Which brings me to the person who inspired this post, my husband, the only person who has come into my life thus far, who has shown me unconditional love, has never judged me, allows me to be free to be myself and grow and shows me every day how much he loves me. He is truly a spirit that I made a soul agreement to meet in this life time and if I had to suffer all that I did in the past to allow him into my life, then I am ever so grateful, I love him with my whole heart and soul.

The other day he walked into the room where I was sitting and sat down next to me and kissed me gently and said “You are so amazing, I am so proud that you are my wife, never forget how amazing you are”. He kissed me gently again and went to walk away then he turned back and said, “and never give up”.

He sees every day the struggle I go through, the pain – emotional and physical – that I deal with and every day he makes me feel like I am the most awesome woman he has ever met. So who am I to not believe him and who am I not to believe in me!

I am awesome!

Gratitude