A year ago today I lost the hero in my life, the man who not only gave me life but taught me all about it and made me the woman I am today. My dad was diagnosed with Cancer and fought a tough battle, it was the hardest thing I have ever had to do, watch my dad pass away.
I remember sitting next to him in the hospital and getting an overwhelming sense of panic and I told my sisters I needed to go, I knew he had left and was on a new Journey, but it didn’t make it any easier, his body let go in the early hours of the next morning.
It did at times make me question my own spiritual beliefs as I had now lost the one person who I could always go to for anything and would always be there with the advice I needed to hear, whether I liked it or not, the person who helped me on my own spiritual journey, my hero, my dad, but I had to draw on my beliefs to help me get through this.
When I arrived home a big beautiful black butterfly with white and blue spots on him flew up to me and landed on the leaves of the tree in front of me, he followed me as I walked slowly around always stopping next to me, I knew it was from my dad, that butterfly was around for 3 days, every time I went outside it was there, it was very reassuring. I have a love of butterflies and I knew this was a clear and strong message from my dad that he was around me.
As the year went on and I was in my grieving process I would meditate and communicate with my dad, I could feel his presence very strongly, I would feel him close by and also know when he was off visiting and looking after other members of the family, his “girls” – Mum, my sisters and all of our daughters, none of us had boys and dad proudly looked after his “girls”, the love he has for us was as deep as it possibly could be while he was with us on the earth plane and stronger than ever now.
One day I was with my partner and I saw a flash of white light, this was nothing new to me as I usually see it when a spirit is around, but this time the flash was blinding, my partner said “what was that!?” He had seen it as well “it’s my dad” I told him and he left me alone to communicate with him, it was at this time my dad told me that anytime I needed him he was there, and to always look after number one, which was his motto, I talked with him for ages then he wanted to go be with mum, I knew then I could communicate with him when ever I needed to and this gave me a lot of comfort.
There were times when I would doubt my connection with my dad, thinking maybe it was all in my head, my need to be able to have him that close again, this would make me very sad, I had no idea why I would doubt it as I never got it wrong before, not with anyone I have helped connect with, so why now?
I was away with my partner for a few days and as I lay on the bed watching the surf gently rolling in I got the feeling that my dad needed to talk to me again, so I made the connection and I was amazed and comforted by what came through….
I burst into the most uncontrollable tears as I felt his energy around me, he was happy that my partner and I had gotten engaged, he acknowledged all the things my girls had achieved and then he was very quiet, he asked me what it was I needed to know right at this moment, I gathered my composure and relaxed and expressed to him that I was confused, I needed to know, be reassured that he was OK, where was he? how did he get around? did he feel pain when he left? all the things we want to know but have no idea. His response was amazing, he told me that I firstly needed to let go of “ego” meaning that I needed to trust with my spirit not my mind and let any preconceived ideas of what I thought go, so I breathed deeper and as I felt myself relax more and go deeper, he asked me if I could feel the weightlessness, I could, he told me I had now let go of my ego and could ask him what ever I needed to.
I asked him all the things I needed to and I felt at an overwhelming peace flowing through me.
I still see the black butterfly often, usually when I need confirmation I am doing the right thing or on the right path and I am sure I always will.
My father was an amazing man who was always there to help me and he is an amazing soul who is still always there right beside me