Have you found your BoushBah?

Who are you?

 Who do you think you are?
I mean really, truly, deep down who are you, what are your good attributes, your weaknesses or flaws that make you you?
I don’t mean the person your parents or caregivers told you you are or are not, what you are or not worthy of being or having but your BoushBah® your internal blueprint that makes up everything that new born baby had when they entered the world.
Because that is the true you, the authentic you, the one people are drawn to and admire and gosh it’s hard to rediscover who that person is, especially if you have lived a life of abuse or degradation, put downs and “put up withs”
But it’s important to go and discover your BoushBah® and here is where you begin to discover who you really are.
I meet people everyday who think they are stupid, ugly, fat, worthless and so many things that people have told them they are. Sometimes it’s to their face and sometimes it’s through actions or gossip.
If you are told these negative things long enough, you believe that’s who you really are, trust me, I did. I was shamed all my life, shamed as a liar, so people wouldn’t believe me if I ever spilt the beans that I was being sexually abused as a child, fat shamed constantly even though I actually wasn’t even fat. My mother’s favorite come back to have my sister say to me when we fought as young siblings was “tell her I’d rather be skinny and healthy than fat and unhealthy like you” I was only about 9 and not fat nor unhealthy, but you know what? I became both of those things, because I had to listen to it constantly.
I believed I was a liar and a horrible person, attracting to me others who would go on to believe those things about me and reinforce them into my own psyche, empowered by the belief that it must be true, everyone thinks so. Have you ever heard the saying “if you are being treated badly by everyone then there’s a common factor here – YOU”?
Well forget that load of bullshit because the truth is you are amazing and wonderful, no matter what you look like, what you have been through or who has hurt, it is them who is the common factor and their factor is their own insecurities. You see, people have to put you down to make themselves feel better about their own pain.
So shoo off the moths that hover around your flame trying so hard to flap their wings and snuff the light out, let them be free to go and find themselves and work out their own issues and find your Boushbah. That eternal light that can never be extinguished no matter how hard anyone tries. That is, once you are strong enough to believe it yourself!
Love always
Aurora –  Rocking my BoushBah

I am sorry and I hope you are too….

Today I confronted my demons, well one major one, my ex husband, my husband and I had flown interstate to be with our grandson for his first birthday to see my daughter and her partner and have a lovely visit, my other daughter and granddaughter came along as well and it was lovely to catch up and do fun things, at the end of that week there was a birthday party for our grandson, where, inevitably I would have to see my ex husband and all those emotions would come flooding back, ones of a loveless hopeless, marriage, his passive aggressive behavior and his snarly sideways looks he would give me. Ten years of stalking me and it filled me with dread.

I battled for months before we left, how I would face this man again, be in the same room with him and remain composed, to a point where I was making myself sick.

When we arrived we were greeted and as he walked past me I took hold of his arm and pulled him to one side. I said “it’s been a long time since we broke up”, “20 years he replied”, I said “I just want to put it all behind us and say sorry, and I hope you are sorry too” I then reached up and wrapped my arms around him and gave him a hug, he said sorry as well and although tension still was a little thick, I made an effort during the day to go up to him again and ask how his elderly mother was doing as she wasn’t able to make it to the party and waved goodbye as we left.

I released those demons on that day and in my mind that old wound is now healed and I am glad and I feel free from it.

Isn’t forgiveness wonderful?

The Cycle and The Kismet.

​His name was Nuno, I met him whilst working on a creative project online, he seemed kind and very keen to get to know me further. Nuno was one of my soul mates, no not in a romantic way, in a way where they teach big lessons.

I am very blessed to have a husband, my twin flame, who trusts me and loves me unconditionally, because I spent a lot of time with Nuno. We became close friends and he fell in love with me, in his mind. I however didn’t feel those same romantic feelings yet I couldn’t walk away from him. He was kind and supportive and put on a great act of being this kind loving supportive being in my life for over 2 years.

As I was not interested in a romantic relationship with him, what he did in his personal life was none of my business, however, he claimed he was in love with me and was faithful to that love, I didn’t feel this was true, so when I pressed him on some things I felt he was lying about, eventually he came clean about lying and having lovers etc, I simply told him I forgive him and we continued our friendship, as that was all it ever was to me, a friendship. I explained I didn’t love him like he wanted me to and how he professed he loved me, he said he was fine with that and wanted to remain in my life anyway. We stayed friends.

My husband, as amazing as he is isn’t perfect as none of us are and had trouble showing affection in ways I felt I needed, he showed his affection in many many other ways, ways most women would die for, he makes me breakfast in bed every morning, cooks and cleans for me, because he knows it makes me sick, supports my creativity, amongst many many other things, however being a victim of emotional and psychical abuse I had other needs that we just couldn’t seem to click into place.
This is where Nuno came in, he wanted to give me the affection I was craving from my husband, however I didn’t want that from anyone other than my husband.

One day Nuno showed me his true colours and pushed me to a limit where, once pushed I never return from and I stopped any further communication with him.

Two weeks later I woke up to my husband in tears, loving soulful tears, I asked him what was wrong, he explained he had just heard a song and he had an epiphany about the affection I had been asking from him, he explained that he now understood and from that day on he has shown me that one piece that was missing, the song is very meaningful to us both now and it was written by a man called….Nuno.

The universe is truly amazing.