Ouch I think you got me, that dig about being a bad mother, calling me fat, telling me I am always sick, saying I am manipulating or a liar. Bam! Bam! Bam! they all hit me right where you wanted them to, right where it hurts. In those deep emotional scars from childhood.
However here’s the thing, they can only hurt if I allow them to. I once had a friend who would reply to my statements of “it’s a worry” with “only if you worry about it”. I had nowhere to go with any pity party then, I was stopped in my tracks.
But how do you stop it when it’s such an emotionally vicious attack on your self worth?
It’s easy for me to say don’t react, but those wounds are deep and potentially never leave, so if that’s the case and we always react when shot with the gun, what do we do? How do we not allow that to affect us anymore?
We can cut people out of our lives and never allow people who know those triggers and use them as a weapon to be in your life anymore, which isn’t always possible but is definitely doable.
It can only hurt you if you let it, right? Well no, it will hurt anyway, even if we don’t react right away it will seep deep into our psyche and cause some kind of issue, like passive aggressive behavior, evasive behavior, sulking, withdrawal or even anger or physical pain. that will erupt later on.
Unless we learn how to let go of the belief system that has us believing all these terrible things said about us are true, that is where the answers lay.
So let me tell you what helped me.
- I acknowledged what happened to me, as something that happened, no longer something that made me who I was – I had been sexually abused, I wasn’t sexually abused, I had been bullied, I wasn’t bullied. I had been neglected, abandoned and treated unfairly, I wasn’t now being bullied, neglected abandoned or treated unfairly. These things happened, they are not happening now and so I no longer need to hold onto them as something I “am”.
- I removed people from my life who knew those triggers and continuously jabbed them, be them family or friend, I then went on to forgive them.
- I confronted my demons and as much as she hated it, I confronted my mother about my childhood sexual abuse by her brother in law and I refused to be around this man again.
- I forgave my mother for not protecting me and accepting that it happened. I had learnt that she would one day have to deal with her own wounds from this one along with a plethora of other things she did to me which I will discuss as I unravel more of my healing journey.
- I forgave the man who did it, no I didn’t hug him and say I forgive him, I simply chose not to be a victim any longer. I could either wallow in self pity and carry emotional baggage that was making me sick, or I could simply hand that heavy bag to him and let him carry it, so I did.
- I forgave my father for the abuse he had caused when he beat me with a wooden spoon until it broke and for the put downs and shaming, before he made his own revelations and changes in his life.
- I forgave my sister for abandoning me when I was left to be sexually abused, I also forgave her for constantly belittling me and putting me down our whole lives and for judging me.
- I forgave my other sister for refusing to help me when I needed her the most, being rushed to hospital with whooping cough and asking for help to look after my children. For her lies and nastiness when things between us went haywire.
- I forgave my best friend of 30 years whose life I saved when she tried to commit suicide, then abused me along with her family and dumped me as a friend.
- I forgave all of my so called friends who judged me and left me when I was going through a painful divorce and I forgave my husband for that painful divorce and years of emotional abuse and stalking me for 10 years after we parted.
- Do I want any of these people in my life now? No I don’t and I chose not to associate with them.
- I surround myself only with people who love me on a level where they see the beauty within me and nothing less.
- I lost interest in the past, about how I was a victim of all this abuse on many levels, I stopped telling the story in victim mode.
- I told myself everyday that from my pain came my strength, and whilst that pain was real and oh so painful, it made me into the strong woman I am today and for that I am thankful.
- I spoke to my higher self, regularly, great, long, learning, loving conversations which helped me immensely and who asked me this question: “If you had a choice to go back and be born into a loving, nurturing, pain free environment, where life was grand, but you wouldn’t be who you are today, you would be someone with less strength, with lesser understanding spiritually than you have now, without the children you have now, the grandchildren and the loving partner you have now, would you change it”? “Well hell no!”, I replied, “So be grateful and be happy, you are one of the lucky ones who has learnt”.
What’s your trigger and would you change your life to go back and not be who you are today?
If your answer is yes, then keep watching, as I take you on my healing journey.
If you would like help on your own healing journey come see me here