I actually am awesome!

Right? we all are in our own unique way, it’s just most of us, me included, sometimes fail to see just how awesome we really are.

I have a lot to be grateful for, I have a lot of people from my childhood and my past who I have to thank, simply for being a part of my life, whether they were in it for a long time, a short time, a happy time or a sad time, they all taught me something and for that I am grateful.

I am grateful for being left in the hospital at the age of 6, terrified, having my tonsils out, while I comforted the little girl who waited for her parents to arrive, with no visit from my parents. From that I learnt how compassionate a person I am and when they left me at Kindergarten on my first day and were so late to pick me up that I never wanted to return again, for those and so many other experiences of abandonment I am entirely grateful, for I learnt how to be a fantastically loving and caring mother to my own children.

I am grateful to my sister who teased and taunted me my whole childhood that she was better than me as (she said) I was fat and unhealthy so I would never be as good as her and has now judged me as being fat and unhealthy without even knowing or asking about my health issues; you know why I am grateful to her? Because of her I do not judge other people, or make them feel bad about themselves.

I am grateful for having a family whose ideals are that unless you eat and do the same things that they do then you will never be acceptable or as healthy as they are, from this I am always thankful that I know I never force my beliefs onto others, and I practice being practical not radical.

I am forever grateful that I met and married my ex husband, who made my life a living hell when we mutually decided to separate, even though he stalked me and almost broke me, I am eternally grateful to have had him in my life because I have two beautiful daughters who are as strong and independent as I had to learn to be to get through that time in my life.

I am grateful to my dad for being a searcher, for always seeking the answers to lifes big questions, because with out his need for spiritual understanding I wouldn’t have found my own.

I am grateful for my two ex best friends who lied and hurt me beyond belief, because they taught me that theirs was not a true friendship and to never settle for that again and so when I met my best friend Dawn, who hugged me tight and cried with me at my dad’s funeral and flew interstate to be with me on my wedding day in 2011, I knew that I had met a true friend.

I am grateful to my mum for never believing in me, because even though she made me believe I would never be anything, she taught me that she was oohhh so wrong.

I am grateful for the large houses that I struggled to pay for when I was single and raising my two daughters, because it has made me appreciate the cosy home I now own, mortgage free, with my husband. It’s perfect.

I am grateful for meeting a lady who battled cancer with the biggest smile on her face and won. Every day I admire her and rejoice in the fact that she is well and can share her life with me, when she sent me the picture below and told me it reminded her of me, I realised that maybe she was just as grateful to have me in her life as well.

I am eternally and wholeheartedly grateful for the abusive partners I have had in my life, the relationships that would push my boundaries beyond their limits and test me to he point of exhaustion, because they taught me how to set those boundaries and never accept another person into my life who showed me no respect and how to be strong enough to remove anyone from my life who couldn’t be totally accepting and respectful.

Which brings me to the person who inspired this post, my husband, the only person who has come into my life thus far, who has shown me unconditional love, has never judged me, allows me to be free to be myself and grow and shows me every day how much he loves me. He is truly a spirit that I made a soul agreement to meet in this life time and if I had to suffer all that I did in the past to allow him into my life, then I am ever so grateful, I love him with my whole heart and soul.

The other day he walked into the room where I was sitting and sat down next to me and kissed me gently and said “You are so amazing, I am so proud that you are my wife, never forget how amazing you are”. He kissed me gently again and went to walk away then he turned back and said, “and never give up”.

He sees every day the struggle I go through, the pain – emotional and physical – that I deal with and every day he makes me feel like I am the most awesome woman he has ever met. So who am I to not believe him and who am I not to believe in me!

I am awesome!

Gratitude

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