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When you’re in love with a beautiful soul

Master boodgiesmall

Today my husband and I were standing on the balcony looking down at our eldest cat Asuka, I think he is around 14 now, he has many names, Oskanosk, Ginger Ninja, Ratty Boy, and of course Captain Slow, he takes so long to get from the bottom of the garden up to the top and each step is taken with precision and a great deal of timing.

He had heard my husbands call, its a unique blend of some kind of smooch and a suck, yes I know weird, but hey, thats my man for you, anyway Asuka was on his way up and my husband turned to me and said “I better go give him some love and then I will clean the pool and come back to you”

Although my husband was always full of this sort of love, today it hit me very deep and I was made aware, that 5 years ago a wonderous soul and mine connected and I felt loved deeper and unconditionally than I would ever have known before, but not only was that love radiated to myself, but to my daughter Taylor who he has supported and loved and sat up at 3am proof reading her Law Exams and helped her move house numerous times until they both fell into an exhausted heap. Also to Taylors daughter Elara, our granddaughter, who he helped enter the world as we were both present not only through, each and every scan and Drs appointment, but held Taylors leg as “BG” entered the world. Kelsey, my eldest daughter who lives in another state so doesnt get to see him every week like Taylor and BG, but he loves and supports her and every thing she does and is so very proud of the amazing woman she has become. Then of course there is his princess Uzume, our other cat with her sleek possum like fur and is treated with an escort to her bed every night, safely tucked away from harm by this amazing man.

And of course me, this man loves me and cares for me in a way that no one else could, our rapport, love, craziness, laughter, happiness and support is something I never take for granted.

He gets my crazy side, adores my beautiful side, encourages my creative side, holds my hand through my emotional side and comforts my pain when it arises.

I am blessed to have met this beautiful soul I agreed to meet, my husband, to be there by my side and I love him with all my heart.

I love you Boodgie

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A Valentine’s Gift

My wife, Aurora. I know this blog is her domain, her mechanism for expression and sharing, but I also know that she would not mind me expressing my own feelings here, especially as they are (hopefully) relevant.

Aurora has a gift. It is a gift that is very rare. It is a gift that gives her great joy but can also result in great stress, which in turn contributes to her illnesses. It is a gift that gives her great insight, compounding her natural intuition. It is a gift that allows her to see, listen, teach and communicate on a level not shared by anyone I have ever known.

This gift can be labelled as empathic and/or psychic ability but I know it only as love. Pure love, in fact. A love that is not specific, selfish, needy or greedy, but that is just given, unconditionally. Those close to her, myself included, often take it for granted, get used to it being ever present, but rarely acknowledge it.

My gift to you, my beautiful wife on this Valentine’s Day, is simply acknowledgement of your gift, which touches and affects me and everyone you come into contact with, on every day of every year.

I love you.

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Fighting My PCOS Poly Cystic Ovarian Part 3

Please start with Part 1 and Part 2

I found it harder to continue to be healthy whilst pregnant with my second child, I craved so many bad things and it was a really rough pregnancy, I had a toddler, no family support and I suffered from bad morning sickness and basically felt sick through the whole pregnancy. The birth was normal and I gave birth to my second beautiful daughter.

So here I am now with two beautiful daughters, my eldest daughter was 22 months and of course my new born baby girl. but I was so sick, I still had a lot of pain and my postpartum bleeding just wouldn’t stop. I was finding it hard to breast feed, look after my youngest daughter and maintain a house being so tired and in so much pain, with no support at all.

I was admitted to hospital about a week after the birth and they ran so many tests and found nothing, now remember I am still un diagnosed with PCOS or Fibromyalgia. I was told there was no other diagnosis they could give me but postpartum depression.

The D word! Oh how I hate the D word, its like when theres nowhere for them to go that’s where they head.

Well that didn’t wash with me so I went to my Gynaecologist for my 6 week check up and I was still bleeding heavily, he ran more tests and now I had become anaemic and was told to go home, relax and take some iron tablets and the bleeding should settle down.

It didn’t. 3 months had passed now and I was still haemorrhaging, I was struggling so much, I was so fatigued by now, so they checked my iron levels again and they were still low, I was trying express how hard this was being in pain, bleeding non stop and trying to cope with every day life, so off I went on a merry go round of Doctors and Specialist to try and find out what was wrong with me.

This just went on and on and on, no one listening to why I was feeling so sick and in pain, no one wanting to do anything to stop this haemorrhaging which had now been constant for 6 months.

I went to my naturopath who told me I needed to see Dr Ian Buttfield a specialist physician who specialised in Chronic Fatigue.

He diagnosed me with CFS/ME and put me onto vitamin b12 injections, some valium to help with the pain and basically sent me on my way. with a diagnosis but still in pain, bleeding and unable to cope. Back then the pain wasn’t even relevant to a CFS/ME diagnosis, so I was still being seen as a malingerer and a lazy depressed mother who needed to buck up her ideas and well basically eat better.

I was now finding it even harder to lose the weight I had gained whilst pregnant, what with the un diagnosed PCOS and the pain and fatigue not to mention the copious amounts of blood gushing from my body for over 9 months now.

That seemed to be their answer to all of this though, lose weight and poof all your ails will be gone.

So through the pain, fatigue etc I tried ohhhh god knows I tried to lose weight but it would not happen. You would think having a 2 year old and a 9 month old to run after would help? I ran their kindergarten groups and went to every single Bananas in Pyjamas concert that came to town, every Wiggles concert, and anything else that would bring a smile to their faces.

But I was dying inside. I had so much pain and fatigue, I had made so many visits to my gynaecologist who admitted me for numerous dilatation and curettage (D&C) procedures, I was constantly in hospital but nothing would stop the bleeding. The next course of action was to try me on all sorts of hormone patches and pills and he made me feel like I was making a fuss about nothing, so did my husband at the time and my family, I guess if you have never haemorrhaged for 18 months non stop then you have no idea what its like? I asked my gynaecologist for a hysterectomy and he wasn’t happy about it, he didn’t think it would help, so off I went home again trying to get this bleeding to stop, I saw acupuncturists, Chinese herbalist, naturopaths but nothing would help. I had had enough!

After a heart breaking few weeks of deliberation I needed to make a decision. I wasn’t sure I wanted more children given my state of health and after all I went through to have children, to now think about removing my uterus, it was a hard decision to make but I had no choice so after 18 months of constant haemorrhaging, trying all sorts of hormone patches and hormonal pills, numerous curettes I said to the Gynaecologist HELP ME! I begged him please you HAVE to take this out, its the only way to stop it! PLEASE!

I had my partial hysterectomy in 1998, and when the specialist came to see me, he told me these words that still haunt me

“you are so lucky we got it out now, you had cystic hyperplasia – your uterus was pre cancerous”

and then these words – words I had been waiting to hear for 25 years

“you also have Poly Cystic Ovaries” “they were so large it was too dangerous to remove them they were adhered to your pelvic artery” “they were so big I took a photo for a book I am co author on, here is the photo”

There they were, my ovaries – the things that were slowly killing me, still inside me, still poly cystic and still causing me health issues, but as is the usual practise of the medical profession, they removed the symptoms and left the problem.

Great! so now i still have them and now what?

“theres not a lot we can do about them” see you in 6 weeks! bye!

The bleeding had stopped and I was feeling a lot better, but this was not the end of my struggle with PCOS, not by a long shot!

My ovaries would continue to cause massive issues including 3, 10cm growths.

To be continued..

Aurora xx

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CFS/ME and every other unseen illness

I don’t usually like to post or even discuss any “woe is me” type of articles, but I watched this and some of the key statements in this video I related to.

I was diagnosed with Myalgic Encephalomyelitis in 1994 after the birth of my second child. When I finally got a diagnosis there was a sense of both relief and dread, because now I knew I wasn’t actually dying, even though it felt like it, but now I had a diagnosis of an illness that many people knew nothing about, or was referred to as the Yuppie Flu, or as my mother put it, “isn’t that the thing lazy people get”

Today I have been diagnosed with other illnesses as well and the puzzle of my health has been slowly fitting into place, there are some pieces missing but with my own intuition and Dr Google I, myself, alone, found, diagnosed and then went to the Doctor for confirmation and I will continue to do so until that last piece of the puzzle is found.

I have just come through the tail end of a very long and debilitating flare so I wanted to share my new diagnosis of Hyperadrenergic Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome

More later

With Love
Aurora

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Judgement!

     
“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It’s one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it’s another to think that yours is the only path.”

How many times have you been told by people who think they are trying to help you, ” if you only did some exercise you would feel better” or “if you only ate healthy like I do you will be fine” etc etc. Having a chronic health condition, especially one that involves pain and debilitating fatigue is hard enough, but when you feel judged because others think they know what is best for you, this simply shows their ignorance, not their want to help you, not their need to support you, simply their lack of compassion and understanding. These people seem to like to find fault in what you’re doing like there is a reward for it.

When I finally worked out for myself that I had PCOS, I decided I had to figure out what would heal MY body to achieve a pregnancy, not what the Doctors thought would help, ie simply lose weight and you can read what I did to do that in my PCOS story part 2. as it is not about losing weight but how you heal yourself.

Once more I am faced with some health issues that I again have diagnosed myself, and now I find the Drs even less understanding as I just turned 49 and they think I will soon enter menopause so, meh who cares! However my PCOS is slowing killing me and once again I have to go within to heal myself. I strongly believe its not about losing weight or eating just raw vegetables that heals us, I believe it is a mind, body and soul project.
So….

I’m going on a journey!

That’s right I am off on a journey, to a really exciting place, where spiritual enlightenment will be deepened and childhood issues will be healed. It’s a wonderful warm place, where I feel comfortable every time I visit and the host makes me feel loved unconditionally.

I am going to visit ME.

Yes that’s right I’m sure some of you have been there before, it’s a magical place and I can’t wait to go. It’s been calling me for a while now, and of course I kept putting it off, waiting till I had enough time or finished my last reading, but my body grew tired and developed symptoms that I could no longer put off. I believe there is only one way to heal my body and that is by listening to it. Doctors wanted to give me medications but I know my body does not like that and just as I healed myself once before I will again, so I am finally going….

And when I return from ME I hope to be able to share my experience with YOU! 

Thank you to my wonderful support team Bill, Jean and my soul sister Steph and of course my amazing husband who has shown me that he loves me whether I am fat, thin, sick or well!

That is what true love is about, not judgement!

Lots of love always 

Aurora

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Phew!!!!!!!

What a few months it has been, I have gotten married, moved house, my youngest daughter graduated high school and that was only in 2 weeks of those few months!!

I have some wonderful stories to share such as:
Why the local firemen came running up to the roof top where we were getting married just after the ceremony!
How stress can be a real killer!
The inspiration I found from a lady bravely battling cancer
Health
Love
Life
and the lessons I have learnt.

I thank you all for your support and understanding the past few months and look forward to helping and meeting even more of you in the new year.

I am taking the rest of this year off and will return with exciting new blogs, pictures and updates in the new year.

So for now please take care of yourselves and each other and remember you are loved and how much you can love!

Much Love Always
Aurora

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