Posts by Aurora:
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.” Marianne Williamson
I love this saying and I was quite surprised that it was written for Nelson Mandela by Marianne Williamson, It speaks volumes about how we have so much power inside us to be what ever we want to be but that we scare ourselves let the fear stop us. And if we just believe we can be what ever we want to be, then we can and will. And have every right to be!
That’s my thought on it anyway 🙂
**Please note I am very graphic with my details in this blog**
When I was young about 15 I suffered with heavy periods and mind numbing cramps when I had my period, so, as they do, I was put on the pill, that lasted all of about a month, I felt so ill I went off it and forgot about it, learning to deal with the pain instead, using hot packs and a Panadol.
As I got older, around 17 -19 I had horrible pains, which I would later learn through my own investigations was Mittelschmerz, lower abdominal pain that occurs in women at or around the time of an egg is released from the ovaries (ovulation). However I was told it was stress and to just relax and when that didn’t help and I actually passed out from the pain one day, I has in hospital having my appendix out! That was the “diagnosis”
I continued to have pain and as I also had undiagnosed Fibromyalgia, I wasn’t sure half the time where the pain was coming from, I simply hurt all over and now I was developing new symptoms, hemorrhaging, massive clots and just feeling sick all the time, doctor after doctor would see me and send me away with new medications, which never worked and only made things worse, I was diagnosed with the same banner they put people in when they fit into the “too hard basket” depression! I had never had a depressed day in my life so I refused to believe it and also refused to take the anti-depressants they were trying to get me to take.
I went on about my life, got married and worked, usually with a lot of pain, but I just thought I was lazy and so I pushed through, I started to gain weight around 19, being told now that THIS was what the problem was, I needed to lose weight and all my problems would go away, I hasten to add I wasn’t even overweight, merely well-developed and curvaceous, however the weight did continue to pile on and then all of a sudden I missed several periods, I would go over a year with no period at all, “lose weight, you’ll be right” was all I was told, so I did, I lost weight and now my periods returned with a vengeance, back to the hemorrhaging, massive clots and just feeling sick all the time, now I was passing hard polyps and in and out of hospital having Dilation (or dilatation) and curettage (D&C) they would find large polyps and remove them then I would go home and nothing would change.
One day after D&C I was recovering in the hospital when I felt this horrible pain in my stomach, as I had put up with so much pain for so many years I just laid there, when the nurse came in I asked her for some pain relief, “you don’t look like someone in pain” she said, I rolled around in pain for a while then felt so sick I was on my way to the bathroom when I felt one of those horrible gushes and onto the floor was blood and a large polyp, when I pressed the button and the nurse came in she looked at me, looked at the floor and said “oh my you must have been in a lot of pain” duh!!
The doctor told me there wasn’t much to report and to go home, I did, and I continued on the cycle of heavy periods and no periods. Not game enough to continue seeing a doctor or telling anyone how bad I felt, I simply continued on.
After many years of this roller coaster of pain, hemorrhaging, anaemia, fatigue and sheer frustration, I wanted to get pregnant, but by now I was not even having a period, at all again!!. I was not coping at all well, especially when the doctors told me I would never be able to conceive due to the lack of ovulation.
To be continued…………
I have been asked what the meaning is behind this quote and here is the answer..
I felt it covered everything I do and I believe in, Mind, Body and Soul.
Mind: I believe that what we think we attract, so even though we can’t see the energetic level these thoughts vibrate on, sooner or later you will know it, as you will attract those things into your life.
Body: As I suffer from illness’ that can’t be seen as such, like a broken leg can be seen when it is plastered, it doesn’t mean that it isn’t real. I have learnt to never judge people unless I know the facts and this has come about from being judged myself when I have needed to wear sunglasses in a bright shopping center for example as I have had a raging migraine and no one to go to the shops for me, and countless times people have said to me “you don’t look sick”
Soul: I can get information from the other side, and I feel things about people, why? I don’t know, I see it as a gift and I use it wisely, however I can’t see it, but it does exist.
And that is where the quote comes from, I use it, I believe in it and I love it!
A year ago today I lost the hero in my life, the man who not only gave me life but taught me all about it and made me the woman I am today. My dad was diagnosed with Cancer and fought a tough battle, it was the hardest thing I have ever had to do, watch my dad pass away.
I remember sitting next to him in the hospital and getting an overwhelming sense of panic and I told my sisters I needed to go, I knew he had left and was on a new Journey, but it didn’t make it any easier, his body let go in the early hours of the next morning.
It did at times make me question my own spiritual beliefs as I had now lost the one person who I could always go to for anything and would always be there with the advice I needed to hear, whether I liked it or not, the person who helped me on my own spiritual journey, my hero, my dad, but I had to draw on my beliefs to help me get through this.
When I arrived home a big beautiful black butterfly with white and blue spots on him flew up to me and landed on the leaves of the tree in front of me, he followed me as I walked slowly around always stopping next to me, I knew it was from my dad, that butterfly was around for 3 days, every time I went outside it was there, it was very reassuring. I have a love of butterflies and I knew this was a clear and strong message from my dad that he was around me.
As the year went on and I was in my grieving process I would meditate and communicate with my dad, I could feel his presence very strongly, I would feel him close by and also know when he was off visiting and looking after other members of the family, his “girls” – Mum, my sisters and all of our daughters, none of us had boys and dad proudly looked after his “girls”, the love he has for us was as deep as it possibly could be while he was with us on the earth plane and stronger than ever now.
One day I was with my partner and I saw a flash of white light, this was nothing new to me as I usually see it when a spirit is around, but this time the flash was blinding, my partner said “what was that!?” He had seen it as well “it’s my dad” I told him and he left me alone to communicate with him, it was at this time my dad told me that anytime I needed him he was there, and to always look after number one, which was his motto, I talked with him for ages then he wanted to go be with mum, I knew then I could communicate with him when ever I needed to and this gave me a lot of comfort.
There were times when I would doubt my connection with my dad, thinking maybe it was all in my head, my need to be able to have him that close again, this would make me very sad, I had no idea why I would doubt it as I never got it wrong before, not with anyone I have helped connect with, so why now?
I was away with my partner for a few days and as I lay on the bed watching the surf gently rolling in I got the feeling that my dad needed to talk to me again, so I made the connection and I was amazed and comforted by what came through….
I burst into the most uncontrollable tears as I felt his energy around me, he was happy that my partner and I had gotten engaged, he acknowledged all the things my girls had achieved and then he was very quiet, he asked me what it was I needed to know right at this moment, I gathered my composure and relaxed and expressed to him that I was confused, I needed to know, be reassured that he was OK, where was he? how did he get around? did he feel pain when he left? all the things we want to know but have no idea. His response was amazing, he told me that I firstly needed to let go of “ego” meaning that I needed to trust with my spirit not my mind and let any preconceived ideas of what I thought go, so I breathed deeper and as I felt myself relax more and go deeper, he asked me if I could feel the weightlessness, I could, he told me I had now let go of my ego and could ask him what ever I needed to.
I asked him all the things I needed to and I felt at an overwhelming peace flowing through me.
I still see the black butterfly often, usually when I need confirmation I am doing the right thing or on the right path and I am sure I always will.
My father was an amazing man who was always there to help me and he is an amazing soul who is still always there right beside me
I decided to join twitter about a month ago, it wasn’t long before I had over 200 followers, sure you get your share of spammers and freaks who just want you to click on their affiliate links, but after I tweeked and twittered I learnt how to weed them out and now I have a lovely range of people who, like me are on there to help others and of course promote their web sites and to share their feelings, pain and things they have found useful.
It has also been very interesting to read the symptoms of other people with FMS/CFS and other automimmune diseases, there is also a wide range of people who are proactive in helping to reduce their symptoms and others who find comfort in sharing how they feel, knowing they are being heard and understood.
It has given me a lot to think about and to write about in the future, so to my fellow tweeters, I thank you for being my friends.
If you would like to follow me my twitter name is thepathbeyond
The path beyond was developed with the love and support of my amazing partner Mr D, the name came from my need to help heal the pain of losing my father to cancer in May 2010 and knowing he was now on his own spiritual path beyond, it has gone through many transformations and is due to be updated in May 2011. Find out more here The Path Beyond.